Thursday, April 01, 2010
'Urgent' message from Mr Kasalin Manaeme
Got another one today:
Date: Thu Apr 1 00:15:42 CDT 2010
From: Mr Kasalin ManaemeAdd To Address Book This is Spam
Subject: *Spam?* PLEASE CONTACT FED EX FOR YOU CONSIGNMENT
To: undisclosed recipients: ;
PLEASE CONTACT FED EX FOR YOU CONSIGNMENT
I have paid the delivery fee for the consignment box. All the necessary arrangement of delivering your $6.500.000.00 SUD In cash was made with FED EX COURIER COMPANY. contact MR.SYLVESTER GORAGE DIRECTOR GENERAL OF FED EX COMPANY BENIN REPUBLIC ;EMAIL:(fedexdelivryshipmenthome@yahoo.com.hk) Send them your contacts information to enable them locate you immediately they arrived in your country with your consignment box.
YOUR NAME.
HOME ADDRESS.
PHONE. COUNTRY.
SEX AND YOUR ID.
Note.The FED EX COURIER COMPANY don't know the contents of the Box.They don't know that the box contains money,I register it as a Box of PRECIOUS VALUABLE tag no:0057624. So don't reveal to them what was in the box or they will delay the box from getting to you.
GOD BLESS YOU,
Mr.Kasalin manaeme.
I am fooling this guy in case it is a hoax. I am not giving Fed EX my sex.
Date: Thu Apr 1 00:15:42 CDT 2010
From: Mr Kasalin Manaeme
Subject: *Spam?* PLEASE CONTACT FED EX FOR YOU CONSIGNMENT
To: undisclosed recipients: ;
PLEASE CONTACT FED EX FOR YOU CONSIGNMENT
I have paid the delivery fee for the consignment box. All the necessary arrangement of delivering your $6.500.000.00 SUD In cash was made with FED EX COURIER COMPANY. contact MR.SYLVESTER GORAGE DIRECTOR GENERAL OF FED EX COMPANY BENIN REPUBLIC ;EMAIL:(fedexdelivryshipmenthome@yahoo.com.hk) Send them your contacts information to enable them locate you immediately they arrived in your country with your consignment box.
YOUR NAME.
HOME ADDRESS.
PHONE. COUNTRY.
SEX AND YOUR ID.
Note.The FED EX COURIER COMPANY don't know the contents of the Box.They don't know that the box contains money,I register it as a Box of PRECIOUS VALUABLE tag no:0057624. So don't reveal to them what was in the box or they will delay the box from getting to you.
GOD BLESS YOU,
Mr.Kasalin manaeme.
I am fooling this guy in case it is a hoax. I am not giving Fed EX my sex.
Labels: e-mailings, Fed Ex, Humor, Spam
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
'Urgent' message from Stefan Krause
Got this e-mail today. Any takers?
Date: Tue May 26 19:43:13 CDT 2009
From: Mr Stefan Krause
Subject: Mr. Stefan Krause Chief Financial Officer Deutsche Bank AG
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Mr. Stefan Krause
Chief Financial Officer
Deutsche Bank AG
Head Office United Kingdom
1 Great Winchester Street
EC2N 2DB LONDON
GREAT BRITAIN
Email: mr.krausestefan@gmail.com
Dear Friend
I am Mr. Stefan Krause, Chief Financial Officer Deutsche Bank AG , I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you, an America Iraqi Foreign Oil Consultant /Contractor with the Chevron Petroleum Corporation Company Late Mr. Thomas Stone Made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$14,500,000.00 (Twelve Million United State Dollars in my branch. Upon maturity,
I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, Iraqi Foreign Oil consultant Chevron Petroleum Corporation Company that Thomas Stone. Died in a plane crash in Egypt Air Flight 990, 1999 air crash for more information about this crash and person you can contact this website:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1999/11/01/iran/main49778.shtml
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/502503.stm
Since we got this information about his death and on further investigation I found out that he died without making a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Thomas Stone did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank This sum of US$12,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to Laws of United Kingdom, at the expiration of 9 (nine) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the (U.K) Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.
Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Thomas Stone so that the fruits of this old man's labour will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin.We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate administration in your favour for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin.
The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you. There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Chief Financial Officer guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address above.Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.
Awaiting for your urgent reply via my confidential email: mr.krausestefan@gmail.com
Regards
Stefan Krause
There you go, have at it.
Date: Tue May 26 19:43:13 CDT 2009
From: Mr Stefan Krause
Subject: Mr. Stefan Krause Chief Financial Officer Deutsche Bank AG
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Mr. Stefan Krause
Chief Financial Officer
Deutsche Bank AG
Head Office United Kingdom
1 Great Winchester Street
EC2N 2DB LONDON
GREAT BRITAIN
Email: mr.krausestefan@gmail.com
Dear Friend
I am Mr. Stefan Krause, Chief Financial Officer Deutsche Bank AG , I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you, an America Iraqi Foreign Oil Consultant /Contractor with the Chevron Petroleum Corporation Company Late Mr. Thomas Stone Made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$14,500,000.00 (Twelve Million United State Dollars in my branch. Upon maturity,
I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, Iraqi Foreign Oil consultant Chevron Petroleum Corporation Company that Thomas Stone. Died in a plane crash in Egypt Air Flight 990, 1999 air crash for more information about this crash and person you can contact this website:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1999/11/01/iran/main49778.shtml
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/502503.stm
Since we got this information about his death and on further investigation I found out that he died without making a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Thomas Stone did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank This sum of US$12,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to Laws of United Kingdom, at the expiration of 9 (nine) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the (U.K) Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.
Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Thomas Stone so that the fruits of this old man's labour will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin.We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate administration in your favour for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin.
The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you. There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Chief Financial Officer guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address above.Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.
Awaiting for your urgent reply via my confidential email: mr.krausestefan@gmail.com
Regards
Stefan Krause
There you go, have at it.
Labels: e-mailings, Humor, Spam
Sunday, November 02, 2008
I won! I won! Oh happy day!
got this e-mail:
AWARD BENEFICIARY !!!Saturday, November 1, 2008 12:45 AM
From: "BMW AUTOMOBILE UK"Add sender to Contacts To: undisclosed-recipients
BMW GROUP PROMOTION
PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPARTMENT, BMW
Automobiles 22 Garden Close, Stamford, Lincs, PE9 2YP,
London United Kingdom.
01/ 11 / 2008.
Attention: Winner,
This is to inform you that you have been selected for a
cash prize of £850,000.00 (Eight hundred and fifty thousand
Great British Pounds) from the BMW E-LOTTERY BONANZA
International programs held on 1st of Nov 2008, in London
United Kingdom.
The selection process was carried out through random
selection in our computerized email selection system(ess)
from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from
all the continents of the world which you were selected.
The BMW e-Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Board
and also Licensed by the The International Association of
Gaming Regulators (IAGR). This promotional lottery is the
3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public.
To begin the processing of your prize you are to contact
our fiduciary claims department for more information as
regards procedures to claim your prize.
PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPARTMENT
7 DOCK WAY, SEFTON BUSINESS PARK
LONDON, T40 4RT
UNITED KINGDOM.
Sir. John Smith
Email:bmwdptoffice228@ymail.com
Contact him by providing him with your secret pin code X7PYWM2008 and your Reference Number BMW:2551256003/23.
You are also advised to provide him with the under listed information's as soon as possible:
1.Name in full.
2.Address.
3.Nationality.
4.Age.
5.Occupation.
6.Telephone Number.
7.Present Country.
8.Short comment on our products. [optional]. - -
9.Fax .
10.Email address.
11.Mode of Payment.(BY WIRE TRANSFER OR COURIER SERVICE)
==================================================================
==============================================================================
===============================================================
WARNING!!! ANY MAIL RECEIVED OF THIS SUCH WITH ANY OTHER TRADE MARK OR ADDRESS SHOULD BE FORWARDED TO THIS BOX IMMEDIATELY, THIS WILL HELP US TO FIGHT SCAM AND LOTTERY IMPOSTER'S.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION.
AWARD BENEFICIARY !!!Saturday, November 1, 2008 12:45 AM
From: "BMW AUTOMOBILE UK"
BMW GROUP PROMOTION
PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPARTMENT, BMW
Automobiles 22 Garden Close, Stamford, Lincs, PE9 2YP,
London United Kingdom.
01/ 11 / 2008.
Attention: Winner,
This is to inform you that you have been selected for a
cash prize of £850,000.00 (Eight hundred and fifty thousand
Great British Pounds) from the BMW E-LOTTERY BONANZA
International programs held on 1st of Nov 2008, in London
United Kingdom.
The selection process was carried out through random
selection in our computerized email selection system(ess)
from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from
all the continents of the world which you were selected.
The BMW e-Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Board
and also Licensed by the The International Association of
Gaming Regulators (IAGR). This promotional lottery is the
3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public.
To begin the processing of your prize you are to contact
our fiduciary claims department for more information as
regards procedures to claim your prize.
PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPARTMENT
7 DOCK WAY, SEFTON BUSINESS PARK
LONDON, T40 4RT
UNITED KINGDOM.
Sir. John Smith
Email:bmwdptoffice228@ymail.com
Contact him by providing him with your secret pin code X7PYWM2008 and your Reference Number BMW:2551256003/23.
You are also advised to provide him with the under listed information's as soon as possible:
1.Name in full.
2.Address.
3.Nationality.
4.Age.
5.Occupation.
6.Telephone Number.
7.Present Country.
8.Short comment on our products. [optional]. - -
9.Fax .
10.Email address.
11.Mode of Payment.(BY WIRE TRANSFER OR COURIER SERVICE)
==================================================================
==============================================================================
===============================================================
WARNING!!! ANY MAIL RECEIVED OF THIS SUCH WITH ANY OTHER TRADE MARK OR ADDRESS SHOULD BE FORWARDED TO THIS BOX IMMEDIATELY, THIS WILL HELP US TO FIGHT SCAM AND LOTTERY IMPOSTER'S.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION.
Labels: e-mailings, Humor
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Got this e-mail
Job Application for W A L M A R T
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FI VE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde
supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually,
I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
...
Fw: Is This YOUR Job Application?
Thursday, September 18, 2008 11:50 AM
From: "John ..
To: undisclosed-recipients
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FI VE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde
supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually,
I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
...
Fw: Is This YOUR Job Application?
Thursday, September 18, 2008 11:50 AM
From: "John ..
To: undisclosed-recipients
Labels: e-mailings, Humor
Monday, July 28, 2008
About Louisiana -- got this e-mail
If Hurricane Katrina causing the levees to break in New Orleans is the only thing you know about Louisiana, here are a few more interesting facts about the Bayou State
Print this out folks this is stuff you all need to know. Hang it on the wall and teach your grandkids.
*Louisiana has the tallest state capitol building in the
nation at 450 feet
* The Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans is the largest
enclosed stadium in the world.
* The Lake Pontchartrain Causeway is the longest over-water
bridge in the world at 23.87 miles.
* Louisiana's 6.5 million acres of wetlands are the
greatest wetland area in America.
* The oldest city in the Louisiana Purchase Territory is
Natchitoches, Louisiana founded in 1714.
* The first bottler of Coca-Cola, Joseph Biedenharn, lived
in Monroe, Louisiana and was one of the founders of Delta
Air Lines, initially called Delta Air Service.
* Delta Airlines got its start in Monroe, Louisiana when
Parish Agent, C.E. Woolman, decided to try dusting the Boll
Weevil that was destroying the cotton crops in the
Mississippi River Delta from an airplane. It was the first
crop dusting service in the world.
* Southern University in Baton Rouge, Louisiana is the
largest predominantly black university in America.
* Baton Rouge was the site of the only American Revolution
battle outside the original 13 colonies.
* The formal transfer of the Louisiana Purchase was made at
the Cabildo building in New Orleans on December 20, 1803.
* The staircase at Chratien Point, in Sunset, Louisiana was
copied for Tara in 'Gone with the Wind.'
* Louisiana is the No. 1 producer of crawfish, alligators
and shallots in America.
* Louisiana produces 24 percent of the nation's salt,
the most in America.
* Much of the world's food, coffee and oil pass through
the Port of New Orleans.
* Tabasco, a Louisiana product, holds the second oldest
food trademark in the U.S. Patent Office.
* Steen's Syrup Mill in Abbeville, Louisiana is the
world's largest syrup plant producing sugar cane syrup.
* America's oldest rice mill is in New Iberia,
Louisiana at KONRIKO Co
* The International Joke Telling Contest is held annually
in Opelousas, Louisiana.
* LSU (The Ole War Skule) in Baton Rouge has the
distinction of contributing the most officers to WW II
after the U.S. Military academies.
* The Louisiana Hayride radio show helped Hank Williams,
Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash achieve stardom. It was
broadcast from KWKH Radio in Shreveport, Louisiana from
1948 to 1960.
* The term Uncle Sam was coined on the wharfs of New
Orleans before Louisiana was a U.S. Territory as goods
labeled U.S. Were from 'Uncle Sam.'
* The game of craps was invented in New Orleans in 1813 as
betting was a common activity on the wharves.
* When states had their own currency, the Louisiana Dix
(French for ten) was a favored currency for trade. English
speakers called them Dixies and coined the term Dixieland.
* New Orleans is the home of the oldest pharmacy in America
at 514 Chartres Street in the French Quarter. These early
medical mixtures became known as cocktails (guess they were
good for what ails ya), coining yet another term.
* New Orleans is the birthplace of Jazz, the only true
American art form.
Jazz gave birth to the Blues and Rock and Roll music.
Viva La Louisiane!!!
From: george
Subject: LOUISIANA
To: "J"
Date: Monday, July 28, 2008, 1:58 PM
Print this out folks this is stuff you all need to know. Hang it on the wall and teach your grandkids.
*Louisiana has the tallest state capitol building in the
nation at 450 feet
* The Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans is the largest
enclosed stadium in the world.
* The Lake Pontchartrain Causeway is the longest over-water
bridge in the world at 23.87 miles.
* Louisiana's 6.5 million acres of wetlands are the
greatest wetland area in America.
* The oldest city in the Louisiana Purchase Territory is
Natchitoches, Louisiana founded in 1714.
* The first bottler of Coca-Cola, Joseph Biedenharn, lived
in Monroe, Louisiana and was one of the founders of Delta
Air Lines, initially called Delta Air Service.
* Delta Airlines got its start in Monroe, Louisiana when
Parish Agent, C.E. Woolman, decided to try dusting the Boll
Weevil that was destroying the cotton crops in the
Mississippi River Delta from an airplane. It was the first
crop dusting service in the world.
* Southern University in Baton Rouge, Louisiana is the
largest predominantly black university in America.
* Baton Rouge was the site of the only American Revolution
battle outside the original 13 colonies.
* The formal transfer of the Louisiana Purchase was made at
the Cabildo building in New Orleans on December 20, 1803.
* The staircase at Chratien Point, in Sunset, Louisiana was
copied for Tara in 'Gone with the Wind.'
* Louisiana is the No. 1 producer of crawfish, alligators
and shallots in America.
* Louisiana produces 24 percent of the nation's salt,
the most in America.
* Much of the world's food, coffee and oil pass through
the Port of New Orleans.
* Tabasco, a Louisiana product, holds the second oldest
food trademark in the U.S. Patent Office.
* Steen's Syrup Mill in Abbeville, Louisiana is the
world's largest syrup plant producing sugar cane syrup.
* America's oldest rice mill is in New Iberia,
Louisiana at KONRIKO Co
* The International Joke Telling Contest is held annually
in Opelousas, Louisiana.
* LSU (The Ole War Skule) in Baton Rouge has the
distinction of contributing the most officers to WW II
after the U.S. Military academies.
* The Louisiana Hayride radio show helped Hank Williams,
Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash achieve stardom. It was
broadcast from KWKH Radio in Shreveport, Louisiana from
1948 to 1960.
* The term Uncle Sam was coined on the wharfs of New
Orleans before Louisiana was a U.S. Territory as goods
labeled U.S. Were from 'Uncle Sam.'
* The game of craps was invented in New Orleans in 1813 as
betting was a common activity on the wharves.
* When states had their own currency, the Louisiana Dix
(French for ten) was a favored currency for trade. English
speakers called them Dixies and coined the term Dixieland.
* New Orleans is the home of the oldest pharmacy in America
at 514 Chartres Street in the French Quarter. These early
medical mixtures became known as cocktails (guess they were
good for what ails ya), coining yet another term.
* New Orleans is the birthplace of Jazz, the only true
American art form.
Jazz gave birth to the Blues and Rock and Roll music.
Viva La Louisiane!!!
From: george
Subject: LOUISIANA
To: "J"
Date: Monday, July 28, 2008, 1:58 PM
Labels: e-mailings, Humor, Travel
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
a Woman's Remote
Got this e-mail today about a Woman's Remote
Date: Wed 24 Oct 19:19:55 CDT 2007
From: Wi
Subject: Fwd: A Woman's Remote ~ Finally
To: a bunch of us
Attachment: Message 3 (246k bytes)
Date: Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:56:09 -0400
From: tp
Subject: Fwd: A Woman's Remote ~ Finally
To: a bunch of us
-----Original Message-----
From: Ni
To: another bunch
Sent: Wed, 24 Oct 2007 9:19 am
Subject: A Woman's Remote ~ Finally
Please click on the ladyIt's FINALLY Arrived!
Labels: e-mailings, Humor, Women
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Elderly People Jokes #0010
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
.
.
Pictures by Jim, cc. jimmiehov
Joke from a chain e-mail received
Labels: e-mailings, Seniors
Friday, June 15, 2007
Our English Language
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.
When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.
Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.
And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! !
Got that in an e-mail today from a Conroe, Texas, friend.
There were more.
When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.
Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.
And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! !
Got that in an e-mail today from a Conroe, Texas, friend.
There were more.
Note: The above is not the true meaning or the source of this saying, a dead ringer. Click here to find the truth.
Labels: e-mailings
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
An atheist holiday
In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a wise judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!"
The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!"
The lawyer pompously said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?"
The judge said, "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 & Psalm 53 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture he is a fool, thus April 1st is his holiday! Get it?"
.
.
.
.
Got this today in an e-mail from my cousin in Omaha
Date: Wed 13 Jun 15:41:29 CDT 2007
From: Cousin in Omaha
Subject: Atheists' Holiday
To: A bunch of us
Labels: e-mailings
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Cast your bread -- Ecclesiastes 11:1**
Got this e-mail yesterday:
I don't know if this story is true but it’s definitely worth reading. It brought tears to my eyes.......I hope you enjoy it, too.......
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water! She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, “How much do I owe you?"
You don't owe me anything," she replied. "My mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."
He said ... "Then I thank you from my heart."
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was stronger also. He had been ready to give up And quit.
Many years later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went to her room to see her. He recognized her at once. After examining her he returned to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.
After a long struggle, the woman improved and the battle was won.
Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay it. As she read the bill something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words...
"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that Your love has spread through human hearts and hands."
There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about? **
Date: Sat 2 Jun 11:37:31 CDT 2007
From: Cousin in Omaha
Subject: GOOD DEED!!
To: A bunch of us
**
Ecclesiastes 11:1-6 (link) New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
Bread Upon the Waters
.
1 Cast your bread upon the waters,
for after many days you will find it again.
2 Give portions to seven, yes to eight,
for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.
3 If clouds are full of water,
they pour rain upon the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north,
in the place where it falls, there will it lie.
4 Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.
5 As you do not know the path of the wind,
or how the body is formed [a] in a mother's womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
the Maker of all things.
6 Sow your seed in the morning,
and at evening let not your hands be idle,
for you do not know which will succeed,
whether this or that,
or whether both will do equally well.
I don't know if this story is true but it’s definitely worth reading. It brought tears to my eyes.......I hope you enjoy it, too.......
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water! She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, “How much do I owe you?"
You don't owe me anything," she replied. "My mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."
He said ... "Then I thank you from my heart."
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was stronger also. He had been ready to give up And quit.
Many years later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went to her room to see her. He recognized her at once. After examining her he returned to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.
After a long struggle, the woman improved and the battle was won.
Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay it. As she read the bill something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words...
"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that Your love has spread through human hearts and hands."
There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about? **
Date: Sat 2 Jun 11:37:31 CDT 2007
From: Cousin in Omaha
Subject: GOOD DEED!!
To: A bunch of us
**
Ecclesiastes 11:1-6 (link) New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
Bread Upon the Waters
.
1 Cast your bread upon the waters,
for after many days you will find it again.
2 Give portions to seven, yes to eight,
for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.
3 If clouds are full of water,
they pour rain upon the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north,
in the place where it falls, there will it lie.
4 Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.
5 As you do not know the path of the wind,
or how the body is formed [a] in a mother's womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
the Maker of all things.
6 Sow your seed in the morning,
and at evening let not your hands be idle,
for you do not know which will succeed,
whether this or that,
or whether both will do equally well.
Labels: e-mailings
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
quiz
Got this e-mail today:
Date: Wed 2 May 16:34:14 CDT 2007
From: John
Subject: Fw: quiz
To: [a bunch of us]
----- Original Message -----
From: Pat
----- Original Message -----
From: Ken
----- Original Message -----
From: Laura
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Cindy
----- Original Message -----
From: J
THIS IS QUITE REMARKABLE, PLEASE DON'T CHEAT!
In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of Fruits on it.
They are:
a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange
Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you!
Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN
If you have chosen:
a. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
b. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
c. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries
d. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
E. Orange: That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges
I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself. May it bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other profound stuff.
Also I bet that right now you would like to find me and kick my butt.
Well, You won't find me....because I am still hunting down the person who sent this to me...
Have a Purrrr-fect Day!
Date: Wed 2 May 16:34:14 CDT 2007
From: John
Subject: Fw: quiz
To: [a bunch of us]
----- Original Message -----
From: Pat
----- Original Message -----
From: Ken
----- Original Message -----
From: Laura
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Cindy
----- Original Message -----
From: J
THIS IS QUITE REMARKABLE, PLEASE DON'T CHEAT!
In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of Fruits on it.
They are:
a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange
Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you!
Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN
If you have chosen:
a. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
b. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
c. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries
d. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
E. Orange: That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges
I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself. May it bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other profound stuff.
Also I bet that right now you would like to find me and kick my butt.
Well, You won't find me....because I am still hunting down the person who sent this to me...
Have a Purrrr-fect Day!
Labels: e-mailings, quiz
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Subject: SENIOR CITIZENS
This is not a Wordless Wednesday post. I don't know how this got linked to the WW site.
For my Wordless Wednesday for April 17, 2007, go to JIM'S LITTLE PHOTO HOLDER at http://jimmiehov6.blogspot.com/
[WW click here]
From: Friend, Nancy
To: Undisclosed-Recipient@, includes me
Subject: SENIOR CITIZENS
Date: Sat, 15 Jul 2006 20:55:28 -0500
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.
HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:
The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement,
God out of government and school.
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!
And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.
Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner?
What about the last verse of My Country 'tis of Thee? "Our father's God to thee, Author of liberty, To Thee we sing. Long may our land be bright, With freedom's Holy light. Protect us by Thy might, Great God our King."
Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!
YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!
I'm the life of the party...... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps.... with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine.
I'm so cared for -- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
I'm not really grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials, Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can't seem to
remember right now.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I’m having trouble remembering simple words like..
I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen?
I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?
I'm a walking storeroom of facts..... I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.
Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn't send it back to them, but I would send it to many more!
Now- Have I already sent this to you???????
If so, I'll try not to do it again (for a while.)
Have a great weekend!
For my Wordless Wednesday for April 17, 2007, go to JIM'S LITTLE PHOTO HOLDER at http://jimmiehov6.blogspot.com/
[WW click here]
From: Friend, Nancy
To: Undisclosed-Recipient@, includes me
Subject: SENIOR CITIZENS
Date: Sat, 15 Jul 2006 20:55:28 -0500
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.
HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:
The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement,
God out of government and school.
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!
And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.
Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner?
What about the last verse of My Country 'tis of Thee? "Our father's God to thee, Author of liberty, To Thee we sing. Long may our land be bright, With freedom's Holy light. Protect us by Thy might, Great God our King."
Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!
YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!
I'm the life of the party...... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps.... with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine.
I'm so cared for -- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
I'm not really grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials, Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can't seem to
remember right now.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I’m having trouble remembering simple words like..
I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen?
I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?
I'm a walking storeroom of facts..... I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.
Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn't send it back to them, but I would send it to many more!
Now- Have I already sent this to you???????
If so, I'll try not to do it again (for a while.)
Have a great weekend!
Labels: e-mailings, Seniors
