Friday, January 21, 2011

Do you know a golfer?

Sandee had this posted on her blog today (Friday, January 21, 2011):
.

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.

There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.

Labels: ,


Thursday, April 01, 2010

'Urgent' message from Mr Kasalin Manaeme

Got another one today:

Date: Thu Apr 1 00:15:42 CDT 2010
From: Mr Kasalin Manaeme Add To Address Book This is Spam
Subject: *Spam?* PLEASE CONTACT FED EX FOR YOU CONSIGNMENT
To: undisclosed recipients: ;




PLEASE CONTACT FED EX FOR YOU CONSIGNMENT

I have paid the delivery fee for the consignment box. All the necessary arrangement of delivering your $6.500.000.00 SUD In cash was made with FED EX COURIER COMPANY. contact MR.SYLVESTER GORAGE DIRECTOR GENERAL OF FED EX COMPANY BENIN REPUBLIC ;EMAIL:(fedexdelivryshipmenthome@yahoo.com.hk) Send them your contacts information to enable them locate you immediately they arrived in your country with your consignment box.

YOUR NAME.
HOME ADDRESS.
PHONE. COUNTRY.

SEX AND YOUR ID.

Note.The FED EX COURIER COMPANY don't know the contents of the Box.They don't know that the box contains money,I register it as a Box of PRECIOUS VALUABLE tag no:0057624. So don't reveal to them what was in the box or they will delay the box from getting to you.

GOD BLESS YOU,
Mr.Kasalin manaeme.



I am fooling this guy in case it is a hoax. I am not giving Fed EX my sex.

Labels: , , ,


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

'Urgent' message from Stefan Krause

Got this e-mail today. Any takers?


Date: Tue May 26 19:43:13 CDT 2009
From: Mr Stefan Krause
Subject: Mr. Stefan Krause Chief Financial Officer Deutsche Bank AG
To: undisclosed-recipients:;


Mr. Stefan Krause
Chief Financial Officer
Deutsche Bank AG
Head Office United Kingdom
1 Great Winchester Street
EC2N 2DB LONDON
GREAT BRITAIN
Email: mr.krausestefan@gmail.com

Dear Friend

I am Mr. Stefan Krause, Chief Financial Officer Deutsche Bank AG , I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you, an America Iraqi Foreign Oil Consultant /Contractor with the Chevron Petroleum Corporation Company Late Mr. Thomas Stone Made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$14,500,000.00 (Twelve Million United State Dollars in my branch. Upon maturity,

I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, Iraqi Foreign Oil consultant Chevron Petroleum Corporation Company that Thomas Stone. Died in a plane crash in Egypt Air Flight 990, 1999 air crash for more information about this crash and person you can contact this website:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1999/11/01/iran/main49778.shtml
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/502503.stm

Since we got this information about his death and on further investigation I found out that he died without making a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Thomas Stone did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank This sum of US$12,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to Laws of United Kingdom, at the expiration of 9 (nine) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the (U.K) Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Thomas Stone so that the fruits of this old man's labour will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin.We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate administration in your favour for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin.

The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you. There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Chief Financial Officer guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address above.Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

Awaiting for your urgent reply via my confidential email: mr.krausestefan@gmail.com

Regards

Stefan Krause

There you go, have at it.

Labels: , ,


Sunday, November 02, 2008

I won! I won! Oh happy day!

got this e-mail:

AWARD BENEFICIARY !!!Saturday, November 1, 2008 12:45 AM
From: "BMW AUTOMOBILE UK" Add sender to Contacts To: undisclosed-recipients
BMW GROUP PROMOTION
PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPARTMENT, BMW
Automobiles 22 Garden Close, Stamford, Lincs, PE9 2YP,
London United Kingdom.
01/ 11 / 2008.

Attention: Winner,

This is to inform you that you have been selected for a
cash prize of £850,000.00 (Eight hundred and fifty thousand
Great British Pounds) from the BMW E-LOTTERY BONANZA
International programs held on 1st of Nov 2008, in London
United Kingdom.

The selection process was carried out through random
selection in our computerized email selection system(ess)
from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from
all the continents of the world which you were selected.
The BMW e-Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Board
and also Licensed by the The International Association of
Gaming Regulators (IAGR). This promotional lottery is the
3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public.
To begin the processing of your prize you are to contact
our fiduciary claims department for more information as
regards procedures to claim your prize.

PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPARTMENT
7 DOCK WAY, SEFTON BUSINESS PARK
LONDON, T40 4RT
UNITED KINGDOM.
Sir. John Smith
Email:bmwdptoffice228@ymail.com

Contact him by providing him with your secret pin code X7PYWM2008 and your Reference Number BMW:2551256003/23.

You are also advised to provide him with the under listed information's as soon as possible:
1.Name in full.
2.Address.
3.Nationality.
4.Age.
5.Occupation.
6.Telephone Number.
7.Present Country.
8.Short comment on our products. [optional]. - -
9.Fax .
10.Email address.
11.Mode of Payment.(BY WIRE TRANSFER OR COURIER SERVICE)
==================================================================
==============================================================================
===============================================================
WARNING!!! ANY MAIL RECEIVED OF THIS SUCH WITH ANY OTHER TRADE MARK OR ADDRESS SHOULD BE FORWARDED TO THIS BOX IMMEDIATELY, THIS WILL HELP US TO FIGHT SCAM AND LOTTERY IMPOSTER'S.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION.


Labels: ,


Thursday, October 09, 2008

My cars #001 -- 1949 Ford Pickup -- With my broken foot, I didn't have a car until Dad loaned me his pickup

.
In college I broke my foot during my last semester, third semester freshman, at Lincoln. It was initiation night at Pershing Rifles and we pledges had to march from six p.m. until midnight. After midnight the actives couldn't do a thing to us.

At midnight it was tradition for the pledges to de-pants the actives. The fellow my friend and I drew wanted to keep his pants on so he kicked. It knocked me backwards some. (Where is this going?)

About 1:30 or so I walked the mile to my rented room out on 13th Street. The next morning I couldn't walk on that foot. I took the bus that morning to the infirmary where they discovered I had broken my foot, a metatarsal, probably the second metatarsal, (Widipedia link) (it could have been the first) in the right foot.

My dad felt sorry for me as I couldn't walk that mile any more. The first week or so I was on crutches, then on a walking cast for six more. Dad offered the loan of his pickup, a black 1949 Ford. I sure did take him up on that, fast! Dad never did know the real way I broke that foot.

That January I dropped out of college. Of course I didn't tell my parents and for sure didn't give the pickup back. In about four months I was able to get a job at the Elgin Watch Factory in Lincoln. I still didn't give the pickup back but finally I did tell that I had dropped out of school and had the job.

Working was fun for me, I was tired of going to classes. Notice I didn't say tired of studying because I didn't ever study. I didn't in high school and I wasn't about to in college. Better to tell the truth, I didn't know how to study.

That pickup even went to the rodeo in Ames, Iowa, to the beach at Linoma Beach quite often, and on some (???descriptive?term????) dating. In fact I had a steady girl for the first time in my life, she worked at Elgin too.

In another month or so, Dad had it figured out. He told me that maybe I should be getting a car of my own, did I want to do that? You see in those days, at least in Nebraska, kids couldn't buy cars until they were twenty-one unless a parent signed.

My first car was a 1950 Studebaker Starlight Coupe that had belonged to Elmer Cells, my high school principal and chemistry teacher. He was Dad's good friend as well as Mr. Morrow's (Cliff's Dad--I think Cliff's family is related to the Cells). He had traded his Studebaker in on a new car and WE, Dad and I, got this one from the Ford dealer in Tekamah.

Studebakers aren't very tough cars, that one didn't take the abuse I wanted to give it, so it gave up. Wouldn't you know it, just about the time I was trading it in for my second car? It depreciated a whole $200 in one week because it wasn't running very good when I brought it back a week later to get my used 1952 Ford.

Labels: , , ,


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Got this e-mail

Job Application for W A L M A R T

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FI VE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde
supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually,
I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
...

Fw: Is This YOUR Job Application?
Thursday, September 18, 2008 11:50 AM
From: "John ..
To: undisclosed-recipients

Labels: ,


Wednesday, September 03, 2008


Just checking on you!
(click to see how)

Labels: ,


Monday, July 28, 2008

About Louisiana -- got this e-mail

If Hurricane Katrina causing the levees to break in New Orleans is the only thing you know about Louisiana, here are a few more interesting facts about the Bayou State

Print this out folks this is stuff you all need to know. Hang it on the wall and teach your grandkids.

*Louisiana has the tallest state capitol building in the
nation at 450 feet

* The Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans is the largest
enclosed stadium in the world.

* The Lake Pontchartrain Causeway is the longest over-water
bridge in the world at 23.87 miles.

* Louisiana's 6.5 million acres of wetlands are the
greatest wetland area in America.

* The oldest city in the Louisiana Purchase Territory is
Natchitoches, Louisiana founded in 1714.

* The first bottler of Coca-Cola, Joseph Biedenharn, lived
in Monroe, Louisiana and was one of the founders of Delta
Air Lines, initially called Delta Air Service.

* Delta Airlines got its start in Monroe, Louisiana when
Parish Agent, C.E. Woolman, decided to try dusting the Boll
Weevil that was destroying the cotton crops in the
Mississippi River Delta from an airplane. It was the first
crop dusting service in the world.

* Southern University in Baton Rouge, Louisiana is the
largest predominantly black university in America.

* Baton Rouge was the site of the only American Revolution
battle outside the original 13 colonies.

* The formal transfer of the Louisiana Purchase was made at
the Cabildo building in New Orleans on December 20, 1803.

* The staircase at Chratien Point, in Sunset, Louisiana was
copied for Tara in 'Gone with the Wind.'

* Louisiana is the No. 1 producer of crawfish, alligators
and shallots in America.

* Louisiana produces 24 percent of the nation's salt,
the most in America.

* Much of the world's food, coffee and oil pass through
the Port of New Orleans.

* Tabasco, a Louisiana product, holds the second oldest
food trademark in the U.S. Patent Office.

* Steen's Syrup Mill in Abbeville, Louisiana is the
world's largest syrup plant producing sugar cane syrup.

* America's oldest rice mill is in New Iberia,
Louisiana at KONRIKO Co

* The International Joke Telling Contest is held annually
in Opelousas, Louisiana.

* LSU (The Ole War Skule) in Baton Rouge has the
distinction of contributing the most officers to WW II
after the U.S. Military academies.

* The Louisiana Hayride radio show helped Hank Williams,
Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash achieve stardom. It was
broadcast from KWKH Radio in Shreveport, Louisiana from
1948 to 1960.

* The term Uncle Sam was coined on the wharfs of New
Orleans before Louisiana was a U.S. Territory as goods
labeled U.S. Were from 'Uncle Sam.'

* The game of craps was invented in New Orleans in 1813 as
betting was a common activity on the wharves.

* When states had their own currency, the Louisiana Dix
(French for ten) was a favored currency for trade. English
speakers called them Dixies and coined the term Dixieland.

* New Orleans is the home of the oldest pharmacy in America
at 514 Chartres Street in the French Quarter. These early
medical mixtures became known as cocktails (guess they were
good for what ails ya), coining yet another term.

* New Orleans is the birthplace of Jazz, the only true
American art form.

Jazz gave birth to the Blues and Rock and Roll music.

Viva La Louisiane!!!



From: george
Subject: LOUISIANA
To: "J"
Date: Monday, July 28, 2008, 1:58 PM

Labels: , ,


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Things I've learned while getting old -- a growing blog




1. Messes generally don't clear up by themselves.

2. Not all the sex positions we liked when younger are workable now.






Labels: , ,


Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Too Bad -- Really Bad




A man had great tickets to the Texas/Texas A&M game. As he sits down,another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No." he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," says the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Texas/Texas A&M game, the biggest sporting event in Texas, and not use it ?"

He says, " Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Texas/Texas A&M game we haven't been together since we got married."

"Oh . . . I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."

Labels: , ,


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

An Irish joke and a riddle

An Irish joke from Merle:

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after Sunday morning
service and she is in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary, my dear ?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband
passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh Mary, that's terrible. Tell me Mary, did
he have any last requests ?"

She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary ?"

She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that damn gun . .' "
.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
.

Who said:

"I have escaped with only the skin of my teeth." [I give up]
.
.

Labels: , ,


Monday, January 07, 2008

Now I can drink at the local Starbucks and loose weight!

Oh, Happy Day!


Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte
When made with nonfat milk and sugar-free syrup, this scrumptious favorite only tastes like an indulgence.








New Skinny Mocha

Skinny Vanilla Latte

Skinny Hazelnut Latte

Skinny Caramel Latte

This is pretty much all. Will it cause me to spend a few bucks? I don't frequent this handy place, but now it might be in my retired teacher budget once in a while.

I wonder if they have a Senior Discount or an Educator Discount going?

The above references are courtessy of Starbucks, you can go see for you self at:

http://www.starbucks.com/retail/beverages.asp

Labels: , , ,


Wednesday, October 24, 2007

a Woman's Remote




Got this e-mail today about a Woman's Remote

Date: Wed 24 Oct 19:19:55 CDT 2007

From: Wi

Subject: Fwd: A Woman's Remote ~ Finally

To: a bunch of us






Attachment: Message 3 (246k bytes)


Date: Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:56:09 -0400

From: tp
Subject: Fwd: A Woman's Remote ~ Finally

To: a bunch of us


-----Original Message-----

From: Ni

To: another bunch

Sent: Wed, 24 Oct 2007 9:19 am

Subject: A Woman's Remote ~ Finally


Please click on the lady

It's FINALLY Arrived!



Labels: , ,


Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Google Answers no more? Yahoo to the rescue!

That's right, Google doesn't answer any more:

Google Answers
Google Answers is no longer accepting questions. We're sorry, but Google Answers has been retired, and is no longer accepting new questions. ...answers.google.com/ - 4k - Cached - Similar pages - Note this

Yahoo rides in and saves the day!

Yahoo! Answers - Home
Yahoo! Answers is a new way to find and share information. You can ask questions on any topic, get answers from real people, and share your insights and ...answers.yahoo.com/ - 59k - Cached - Similar pages - Note this

These are two snippets resulting from a Google search of the term:

"related:turbo.discovery.com/convergence/events/miami-boat-show/quiz/media/quiz.swf"

You can save the cut-n-paste stuff by clicking here.

Labels: , , ,


Sunday, August 19, 2007

I never thought it would come down to this!

You Should Wear a Yellow Bikini


Like the sun, you radiate warmth and brighten up everyone's day.
And while a yellow bikini is a bit strange, you have the perky personality to wear one!

Now what?

What Color Bikini Should You Wear?

Labels: ,


Tuesday, October 03, 2006

It's June Bug! . . . . . . A June Bug Review Today

.
They are all lined up below.

The real June bug is brown, I have it a little more than half-way down here.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The pillow picture came in an e-mail from Bro-in-law.

Labels: ,


June Bug . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes, it's June, 2008, bug

At our house, the only good June bug is a dead June bug.

[large picture] [super size]

.
These brown June bugs fly around at night and are attracted to the lights. Especially in the spring here in Texas they are very prevalent.

This one was found the morning after, on March 31, 2008, laying dead on our back porch. Texas June bugs come earlier than in most places. Most places they come in June, hence their name.

The evening before we could hear just a whole lot of them running into the windows, attracted by the lights inside our house.

One last thing, Texas June bugs are about an inch long, a lot of places they don't get nearly that long.

Link: Jim's other June bugs (June Bug Collection)

.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
.

In case you don't like bugs, here is a picture of Amber taking her catnap.

[large picture] [super size]



Labels: ,


June Bug . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . No, it's April, 2008, Bug -- a JFK Airport "Pee Fly"



Give up?

These other pictures tell what the "Pee Fly" is about

Click on the Hints below to see:


Hint # 1

Hint # 2


Labels: , , ,


It's June Bug! . . . . . . . . . . No, It's March (2008) Bug!! . . . . . . For Sale! 19XX Volkswagon Thing

Labels: , ,


June Bug . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . No, it's January, 2008, Bug -- Shell Art by Jim (+ a quiz about it)

[click here for large picture]
[click here for super size]


Does this Shell Art bug have a name?

What media did Jim use?




[large picture] [super size]




[large picture] [super size]

Now you know,
or think you know.


Would you please leave a comment,
Thanks.



Click The June Bug Collection to see the other June Bugs!



Do you think maybe Adi ate it?



Labels: , , , ,


This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?